


Adverse

by NanakiBH



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Timelines, M/M, Psychological Drama, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-19
Updated: 2009-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When two people are so close, they know even the words that go unspoken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adverse

The clock felt so far away.

After a deep inhalation, the second hand seemed to have barely moved the slightest. Time felt eerily slow. Lelouch thrummed his fingers on the desktop idly, resting his chin in his other palm as he stared ahead at the teacher, trying to at least appear semi-interested in whatever it was he was talking about, trying to make it look a little less obvious that he was glancing up at the clock every few seconds.

Something was bothering him today. Something about the way Suzaku fidgeted in his seat and kept glancing at _him_ made him wish for once that he _weren't_. Normally, his attention would be quite a pleasant thing and he really wouldn't mind. It could be embarrassing sometimes, yes, but this wasn't quite that. It felt different and made him feel a little like escaping as quickly as possible, like a cornered animal or something.

They'd met a few times already outside of class under much different circumstances, even if Suzaku wasn't entirely aware of it himself. Those choice encounters made Lelouch start to feel a bit like a convict on the run, though, leaving him feeling jumpy, like Suzaku would click his fingers one day at lunch break and go “aha!” and that'd be that. Thinking like that just made his head hurt and his heart beat a little too uncomfortably fast. But it was _Suzaku_ , and who could he trust more than his best friend, right?

He stole a look in the knight's direction where he sat very openly looking at him. His intense gaze alone made Lelouch want to pull his eyes away instantly, but it was Suzaku who glanced away first. As if it weren't obvious.

Lelouch scoffed just loud enough for him to hear and Suzaku looked back toward him sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with a small smile. Even if he didn't know about his secret identity as Zero, the ruler of the rebellion, Suzaku was definitely his... something. Lelouch didn't want to jump the gun and call him his _lover_ straight forward, because a word like that felt so strangely adult to him still. They were in high school. It didn't feel right to say that much. But they did fuck, and he was the one trying to _throw an upheaval in the government_. Kids didn't do those things.

He pried his eyes away and looked back out the window, trying to find something more interesting to look at than Suzaku's face. It was hard, considering that his face was definitely among the most interesting things in the room. In the school. In the general, overall area. His eyes latched on to a bird outside on a tree branch, but like his fleeting thoughts, the bird was gone in a moment, too.

Rivalz was trying to get his attention for something (seemed to always be trying to get his attention for something) and Lelouch was determined not to look in his way, either. That, at least, wasn't hard. He'd practiced ignoring Rivalz until it had become a fine art. He only indulged him when he wanted to continue his charade.

“Lelouch.” Suzaku's voice, slightly insistent.

He looked over, trying to make himself expressionless.

He lifted an eyebrow, curious what Suzaku wanted, but Suzaku said nothing. Just looked. Eyes wide. Eyebrows screwed up a bit in concentration. Like he was _looking for something._

Lelouch wasn't sure if it was innocent or if he should feel like hiding again. Either way, he was almost certain that Suzaku could see inside of him with eyes like that.

“What?”

_Don't you fucking say “noth_

“Nothing.”

Lelouch ground his teeth, a weakly played smile put on his face to mask his growing unease.

When had Suzaku stopped being his comfortable lov- _something_ and turned into another pair of those _eyes_ watching and rearranging him? It'd be great if he looked at him like he was undressing him with his eyes like usual, but that expression made things feel completely different and it didn't even seem like Suzaku was trying to hide the difference.

No birds to look at. Teacher repeating things he read already. Clock unmoving. Rivalz... Rivalz.

Suzaku dominated his attention again, but this time he was looking away, toward the door, some sort of torn or hurt expression on him. It was a crime to put a frown on lips that looked so good with a smile on them. They also looked good doing other things, but Lelouch tried to abandon that train of thought before he got completely derailed.

“Suzaku,” he whispered, hardly recognizing his own voice when it came out so soft and sweet.

He got his attention and Suzaku tried to appear like he hadn't just been sulking. That was good.

After making sure nobody was looking in his immediate direction, he lifted his pen and made a careful heart shape in the air, touched the pen cap to his lips, and sent it through the little imaginary heart. Suzaku burst into a grin and Lelouch's heart warmed, confident that Suzaku's concern (whatever it had been) was dispelled.

The bell rang. _Finally_. And he'd never been so glad. He brushed his palms off on his slacks before standing, letting go of one last shaky sigh before straightening up and letting the bones in his legs pop. It felt like a century since he sat down and he was happy it was over and that he could just go home.

Rivalz burst up from behind him with as much energy as anything else that could, well, _burst_. He was practically scared half out of his wits with the state he was already in and nearly dropped the books that he had just picked up.

“Rivalz,” he regarded him, not sure if he should smile or just act like he cared or something.

Clearing his throat like he was making some sort of grand announcement to his people, Rivalz continued with what it was he apparently wanted his attention for before. “Today. After school. Come on, Lelouch, did you forget already? How could you forget about us!”

Realization and horror dawned on him and this time he almost lost his books for real, had Suzaku not been there to reach around him (embarrassinglyclose) and save them from slipping out of his arms.

“Of course he didn't forget about the student council! Right, Lelouch?”

He smiled shakily, sure that the edges of his lips were wobbling all over the place. “Right. Yeah. How could I...?”

_Dear God, no. Please. I have more important things to be doing and I do not what to spend another hour or two with Suzaku right now, please._

He was about to ask why Suzaku's hand was still on his arms but he let it go. His hands did feel nice, at least. When Rivalz ran off, having spotted Milly, Suzaku rested his chin on top of Lelouch's head from behind and put his arms around his shoulders.

“You forgot,” he said dryly. “How'd you do that?”

“I was thinking a lot.”

“About me?”

Well, he couldn't lie, honestly. “Y-yeah.” That came out a lot more coy-sounding than he wanted it to and he didn't like it. Suzaku seemed to appreciate it, though, if the warm nose nuzzling the back of his neck meant anything.

Lelouch tensed and his grip on his textbooks and folders tightened. “W-what are you doing? We're right in front of everyone, stop doing that!”

“What,” he answered, flicking his tongue playfully out over his skin, just above his uniform collar, “don't you think it's sort of wrong, lying to everyone like this?”

His heart sped up again, a numbness working its way into his nerves, turning the blood in his veins to ice. He heard him right, he knew he did. That was no innocent remark. He had to remind himself how to breathe and this time, he was sure Suzaku would notice the way his chest shook when he exhaled. This wasn't happening. It was possible, but how could he... How long had he known? What was he going to do? If this was Suzaku, he'd be more careful and-

The books hit the floor in a pile of wildly fluttering pages, all a mess of chemistry and psychology text. Lelouch stood, his back entirely stiff, his hands opening and closing into weak fists as Suzaku held his jaw and kissed him passionately for the classroom to see.

 

There was a silence.

 

Someone must have whipped out a phone, because the next thing Lelouch heard aside from the beating of his own blood in his ears was the digital snap of a camera. The next second, there came the rush of voices, and Lelouch barely had the room left to hear his own sharp gasp when he tore himself away. And he ran. _Fucking fast_ because there was no way in hell that was what he had been expecting and he was not prepared to deal with that.

He collapsed somewhere outside near the track, having found himself a conveniently short distance from a trash bin just in case the overwhelming urge to vomit got the best of him. He curled his fingers in his pantlegs until his knuckles turned white, until he was almost sure he'd rip the fabric. His books were probably still on the floor in the classroom, not to mention that he left all of his other stuff there, but he felt somewhat ridiculous for thinking of that before anything else when there were certainly more distressing things he could have been occupying his mind with.

There were footsteps on the gravel behind him and he curled his legs up to his chest, wishing suddenly that he were just a little bit closer to that trash bin.

“You can stop pretending now.” Suzaku's voice, this time so solid that it hurt.

Lelouch tried to speak but words were really failing him. His mouth felt too dry for his own tongue and his stomach felt like it was about to rebel. He clutched his uniform shirt around his middle and just tried to keep himself as still as possible. Shaking any more than he already was would just make things worse.

There was a frightening pause and then Suzaku's shoe connecting with his stomach. Lelouch choked and fell back into the gravel surrounding the track, the small sharp rocks digging into his back. He curled onto his side and lay there, shaking, eyes clamped shut.

So...

It was, after all.

Suzaku leaned down and grabbed Lelouch by the collar, pulling him up so he could look at him. “I told them to give us a couple minutes and said I'd bring you back,” he explained, though that really failed to bring Lelouch any sort of comfort. “I thought that would give you some time to explain.” He let go and Lelouch struggled to sit himself up, even as the rocks dug into his palms. “Unless I'm wrong. In which case... I'll apologize after you explain.”

“I don't even know what the hell you're talking about.”

A hand grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet. “Say that again,” Suzaku said. “This time, tell the truth.”

He could've passed out, with the way his eyes didn't feel like focusing on his lov- whatever. He just felt like giving in. Maybe not giving up, though.

“You already know the answer, don't you?”

Suzaku didn't hit him again like he expected him to. As his words sunk in, just the most heart-breakingly sad expression was cast over his face and... Frowns really didn't look good on Suzaku.

Before Lelouch could stop himself, he was already crying, weeping openly, teeth clenched and shoulders shaking. Everything... it was too much. Suzaku pulled him close, burying his face in Lelouch's shoulder where he knew he wouldn't have to see him as he cried as well. The tear stained silence almost felt alright, if not for the dread in his heart that remained. Suzaku pulled away and sealed their lips together unexpectedly, the kiss salty and bitter.

When he pulled away, he looked like he was making a decision. Lelouch knew what he could do right now and knew he probably couldn't stop him. Not anymore, anyway. He didn't have that control over him anymore.

Suzaku looked at him like he'd forgotten all about it, wiping the tears from their eyes for the both of them. He leaned in and gave him another tender kiss, bumping their foreheads together. “I don't want to have to pretend now that we're lovers in front of them, too, you know?”

Lovers. Right.

“Yeah, that'd be a shame.”

The weight of the knowledge seemed heavy on Suzaku as he stood, but he grasped Lelouch's hand and took him with him. He knew whose hand he was holding now.

He seemed almost ready to cry again, but he kept himself in check.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch whispered, voice so coy he hated himself for it, their hands linked together as Suzaku led them back toward the school, “you're too good for me.”


End file.
